16 Weeks Already!!!

Some days this journey seems like it’s zipping by and some days, time just drags on. This past week seemed to go by so slowly, but now that it’s Friday I can’t believe I’m at 16 weeks already!

I still have moments where I can’t believe I am actually pregnant. I hope I never get over that “awe!” My sister was asking me questions about the baby shower she’s planning and it was surreal to be talking about it. I never thought I would have that chance.

I had two appointments today, one for me and one for the babies.

My OB appointment went really well and I got A LOT of my questions answered. If you are in the area, Sandy Hoops at Woodward and Associates is AWESOME! She listened to my questions and didn’t make me feel dumb when answering them. We are going to change-up my prenatal vitamins and add some additional supplements in hopes to snuff out this muscle achiness I have been having. I (reluctantly) asked about my weight  and she said it looked good and I should expect to gain about 40 more! I almost choked. Where is 40 lbs. going to go? If this is my 16 week belly…I am really nervous about the 20 week and beyond belly! They did say at 20 weeks I would look like I was full term with a singleton. I guess they weren’t kidding.

This one makes the bump look much cuter! (Thanks Tara)

She also said shortness of breath may start soon since I have nowhere to go with these babies due to my (lack of) height but to only be alarmed if I get faint. Awesome! We tried the Doppler to hear the heart beats but that didn’t work so Sandy got out the ultrasound machine. The pictures are hard to see but the one with all the little dots…that’s one of the babies’ hands!

After a big hug from Sandy I was off to Maternal-Fetal Health to check on the babies. I did NOT expect them to do more ultrasounds and give me pictures, but I’m not going to complain.

Baby A is measuring 17 weeks and 2 days and weighs 7 ounces. The heartbeat was at 143. The babies were really close to each other today and I swear Baby A was pushing his/her sibling to “move over.” Kinda like their Mom and Dad at night!

Is that not the cutest foot? (Oh dear! I’m already one of THOSE moms!)

Baby B weighed in at 16 weeks and 5 days and weighs 6 ounces. The tech forgot to tell me the heartbeat rate though so I don’t know how to compare it.

And of course there’s Baby B again sucking his/her thumb again!

Then the tech started digging around again and flipped a switch on the machine to 3-D and said “Let’s try to get a peek at their faces.” Yes, Please!

 Baby A

 Baby B

Oh my word! I can’t even take it! How is possible to love these babies so much already?!?!

We are

away from finding out the gender of our bambinos and can’t wait! We have decided to make that weekend our “Babymoon” and will be in Cape May all weekend celebrating our babies, each other and Christmas! I am soooo ready to go! I want to call these kiddos by their names!!!!

There won’t be another post until probably the 14^th after we announce the genders to our families on the 13^th so I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with laughter and love.

I know what I am most grateful for this Thanksgiving!

Updates and a Unicorn (?)

Sorry it’s been awhile folks. I haven’t had much to report…just keepin’ on. There’s a lot of hurry up and wait in this whole pregnancy business. And so that’s what we have been doing. Waiting.

I did hit a huge milestone last week and that was finishing my final shots, patches and pills related to the IVF. My total number of needles (including those used at acupuncture) since July 12^th is…

…Drum roll please….

…. 647 needles!!!!! That’s a LOT of holes in my body! (How do I NOT leak?)

I am so glad to be done with the shots and I am sure BJ is too. I did have some withdrawal for about 5 days that included full body muscle fatigue, joint pain and severe headaches. My arms, thighs and back were so sore I had to sleep sitting up so I wouldn’t try to move. My hips were also in so much pain that walking was difficult and taking full stride steps was nearly impossible. Luckily, I had the same issues when I started all the hormone supplements so I knew what to expect…but it didn’t make it suck any less.

On Monday, I met with another doctor at my OB practice for my 12 week check-up. It was pretty basic from my point of view. Well, except for the little joke the twins played on us. The nurse couldn’t find the heart beat using the Doppler so she said, let’s have the Dr. use the ultrasound. She said not to worry, but you know me. Full! Out! Panic! BJ started a new job last Monday (Yay honey) so he couldn’t make it and I was alone in that room waiting on the Dr. and the machine. I just rubbed my belly and prayed while I panicked…er…waited. The Doc finally came in and instantly the screen filled with my moving little darlings. Baby A was kicking up a storm and is now referred to as Our Little Ninja. His/her head was down closest to the cervix so that will always be Baby A. Baby B was wriggling all around but I couldn’t tell if it was the Dougie or Twerking. Whatever he/she was doing, that is now Our Tiny Dancer.It was so amazing to see them move, I don’t think that will ever get old. The little darlings would not stay still long enough for the Dr. to measure the heartbeats but we could still hear them. He said “I’m pretty sure they are good” after seeing them wriggle like that. I say they are SO grounded until birth for scaring Mommy!

I only gained 3 lbs. since the IVF (which is not a lot for 12 weeks with twins) but I feel like I eat all day! I have read various accounts of how much to gain at what point in pregnancy. It gets in my head and confuses me so I am just going to keep eating as reasonably healthy as I can and wait for the docs to say eat more or eat less. Regardless of only gaining 3 lbs., I still have quite the “bump” for 12 weeks.

I wasn’t going to post “bump” pictures since I wasn’t sure I was going to have a “bump” per se. Considering that I am not gaining weight anywhere else (in fact I am wearing a ring today that hasn’t fit in 6 months!) I figured I could show you my little 12 week bump. I was holding onto one pair of buttoned pants that still (barely) fit (and only with a hair tie at the button-hole) but the nurse told me to retire them yesterday. Onto 24/7 maternity pants and maxi skirts!

I am getting up frequently throughout the night to use the restroom. This past week, around 1:30AM every morning, once I lay down again, I swear I feel them. It’s just a little butterfly, and everyone says it’s too soon, but I only feel it in the middle of the quiet night after walking up the stairs. It’s so brief that I question it every night and go back to sleep.

This morning I had my 1^st trimester genetic screening and anatomy scan. I met with the genetic counselor (who needs to try decaf!) and she took (another) history and then talked about the testing. We did not opt for the amniocentesis but instead did the MaterniT21 test. It measures for 3 of the more frequent chromosomal abnormalities. Two vials of blood and she actually got my vein the first time! (648 needles). Next we had a looonngg and wonderful anatomy scan. We saw the babies from every angle. The limbs look great, the skulls were huge (they measured 14 weeks and two days! We knew we were gonna have big-headed kids!) The feet were so stinkin’ cute.

Here’s a sneak peek at our munchkins:

This is both of them together. Baby A, head down on the right (you can see the arm). Baby B, sucking his/her thumb and chillin’!

 Baby A

 Baby B

Apparently, one of them is a unicorn

And this one has stuck his/her face to the placenta like a fish in a fish tank!

But look at those adorable little feet!

All in all, everything looks awesome and we go back in 3 weeks for more appointments!

Unfortunately, we will not know the gender until December 5^th. You will all have to wait until the Gender Reveal on December 13^th! (I know, we are so mean!) According to the “skull theory” if the baby has a sloping Neanderthal-like forehead-it’s a boy. If the baby has a rounded forehead, it’s a girl. What do you think?

 Baby A

 Baby B

It’s been a rough few weeks emotionally for me and I have kinda stuck to myself. There’s a lot of change going on right now and I just have been getting emotional about a lot of it. I was talking to a friend who thought maybe it was because I have been identifying myself as the “infertile” girl for all these years and now I am just another pregnant woman. And there may a shred of truth to feeling uneasy about moving on from my focus being all about trying to get pregnant to actually being pregnant.

I didn’t quite know how to identify my feelings until I saw the reference to a Rainbow Baby, or in my case, Rainbow Babies. I think this concept more accurately describes some of my feelings and anxieties during this already emotional time period.

“A Rainbow Baby is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravage of the storm. When a rainbow appears it doesn’t mean that the storm never happened or that a family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds.”

Yes, I am no longer on the “TTC” path, but I am stilling dealing with years of grief and disappointment. Years of my body failing me and now I’m supposed to just “trust” it to do its job. Every cramp, every pain, every moment I feel no nausea wondering if something’s wrong with my babies. And I am quite certain that every mother goes through this worry and anxiety, how could you not. There’s something to be said, however, for being through a war and being hypersensitive to stimulus even after it’s over. Not more than another mother who hasn’t been through “TTC”, it’s just… different.

That’s the best way I can describe my funk, not very well, but it is as close as I can get. I am so very grateful for our miracles and I love them so much already. The funk is not stealing my joy from them…its two very different issues happening within the confines of one heart. I am sure I will get out of the funk, but there will always be that under running current of the battle I fought and the effects it will forever have on me. Do I miss that part of my life? No, but I will always mourn from it.

Surprisingly, I always thought I would be the crying all day weepy mess during pregnancy type. Turns out I am just VERY easily annoyed! Working with my counselor, whenever I would talk about the frustrations of things going on she would ask “And what did you do about it,” and my response is always “I just ate it.” I am the no-conflict-keep-the-peace kinda gal, I always was…until now. I almost bit someone’s head off at work for walking through the halls whistling! (I didn’t though…that would just be “mean”). I just don’t recognize this snappy annoyed-at-the-world version of me…and I’m not a fan of her for sure! Bottom line is if I snap at you…don’t take it personally…I don’t mean it. Blame the babies…well the hormones from them anyway!

This had also been a hard month with remembrances. On October 15, National Pregnancy Loss and Infant Death Day, we joined the world in a Wave of Light Celebration in remembrance of the all babies lost. This was for our Jo/e who would have been 2 this past August.

Tonight, we honor my friend, RJW, who sadly and suddenly passed away a year ago and her amazing accomplishments and contributions to this world.

Tomorrow, we remember my father who has been gone for 11 long years. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long and I miss him every day! I miss his laughter and his hugs most of all.

It will be a bittersweet weekend surrounded by family and friends but I know both Rachel and my Dad are some of my angel advocates who helped me along this journey and whispered in God’s ear for favor on my behalf.

To end on a high note (since I am in tears now …)

Look! Our babies make a heart! How can you not smile at that?

Our Bambinos, Our Anxieties, Our Immediate Future and a Little Rant

We are at 10 weeks and our little “olives” are doing great! They no longer look like tadpoles and will start to develop their little fingers and toes this week.

Our checkup went really well. Their heart rates were at 167 and 168. According to the old wives tale: that means its two girls! But other old wives tales say it’s boys so who knows. And what happens when there’s twins and ones a boy and ones a girl? Guess we just have to wait and find out.

One of our bambinos was dancing for us and it was such a blessing to see. BJ said that he/she wasn’t dancing but was mad because he/she was getting poked…therefore that’s the baby that takes after me!

Can you see their little legs?

I am so glad to be at the 10 week mark. That’s half way to being able to breathe easier (thanks to PCOS, I am not in the clear until 20 weeks). Each week that passes they get stronger and I breathe a little easier. I have been advised to be less anxious and enjoy the pregnancy and I am really trying but that is a task easier said than done.

I am doing well with the symptoms. I have nausea (but no vomiting), extreme fatigue (yep…I have fallen asleep at work), headaches that come and go, shortness of breath, trouble sleeping and some other weird ones. I have had two bouts with total body muscle achiness. Arms, legs, hips, pelvic bone, shoulder, back- almost like a day or two after I did a full body work-out. Then there is the twitching muscle in my face. It’s the muscle in my cheek area next to my nose and when it’s twitching it feels like a bug is on my skin flapping its wings. It really freaked me out at first but now it just makes me self-conscience- Can everyone see it twitching? They say no. Lastly, and this one isn’t unusual but it is extreme and that’s the bloating. I seriously look 18 weeks already from the bloating. My pants no longer button and bending over is uncomfortable. I asked the doctor and he said the extreme bloating is normal in a pregnancy with multiples. He also said that by the time the bloating subsides that babies will be showing so there is ZERO chance I am getting back in my pants.

Which brings me to maternity pants…OH! MY! WORD! where have you been my whole life? Why do we bother with buttons and zippers at all? I may never go back to real pants! These are quite literally the most comfortable pants I have ever owned!

Rant: I feel like I need to say this because I have gotten some (rather rude) remarks from people concerning my pregnancy symptoms. Regarding the symptoms, let me state for the record, I AM NOT COMPLAINING! I am so grateful for each and every symptom and that I get to experience them. And even though I feel better on days when I have them and scared on the days I don’t, sometime they aren’t entirely awesome to be going through. If you ask me how I am feeling I am going to say “I feel good today” or “It’s a rough nausea day,” depending on how I am feeling that day. I am not going to smile and say “Great” to make you feel good (unless I do feel great). If you ask me how I am feeling I am going to assume you really want to know how I am feeling. I’m just stating the facts…keep the lectures to yourself. I am very well aware that I am “Blessed,” “Lucky,”  and “Should just be happy…” etc. etc. etc. Just because it took me longer and I had had to jump through more hoops does not mean that my actual pregnancy experience is any less up and down than any other pregnant woman. End rant.

I am still craving my chocolate milk and I would’ve maimed someone this morning for a Boston-Cream donut but most of my cravings come and go. I have been eating pickles as my snack of choice which is rare for me but it’s not at “craving” status. My sense of smell, however, is through the roof which is also strange for me. My sniffer is usually pretty terrible but man can I pick out smells now! Lunchtime at the office is an awful time for me with the variety of smells coming from the room. Today someone had green beans with butter.

The OB visit overall went well and everyone was super nice. I do miss my crew in Reading, but it was great to stay local and be at a “regular” doctor. It was a long visit at almost 2.5 hours but there were a lot of pieces to it. More blood was drawn and of course they couldn’t find a vein.

Two more needles at the doctors and my shot last night and my official needle count since July 12 is…drum roll please… 591 needles since July 12. At this point, I should just leak.

I asked about being transferred to Maternal-Fetal Health (MFH). What we learned is that I see the OB for my health and MFH is for the health of the babies. They said I will end up there but not for a few weeks yet. I did opt to meet with a genetic counselor about the 1^st trimester tests I can have. BJ and I have already decided that we will only do non-invasive tests and only tests that if positive there was in-utero treatment for. Anything else is in the hands of God.

I went to my first Keystone Mothers of Multiples (KMOM) meeting this week and it really helped reassure me while terrifying me at the same time. I felt good because there was almost 50 people in there, 7 of us new members. The newest twins were 8 weeks old and the oldest KMOM had adult twins. One other woman was also expecting though she was already 18 weeks along. Turns out we have the same doctors and I saw her at my appointment yesterday. I was reassured because my symptoms are completely normal! The full body aches, the shortness of breath, all of it. Maybe it’s all normal for a singleton pregnancy too but my mom and sister could not confirm that. I was equally terrified because of the conversations I had with some of the woman. There were seven women at my table with babies from 2 months to 11 years old. They were ALL on bed rest by 24 weeks and they ALL had their babies at 30-33 weeks. This is terrifying to me! I am praying for the best but I know I need to prepare for the worst.

My first step is reading as much as I can. I am on my third twin book (BJ is also reading these though with not as much gusto as I am). I am also taking every class that I can. Our first class is a twin’s class next week at the hospital. I am so excited to go. I feel like the more prepared I am the better off I will be to handle our new life with babies. It’s how I process. Of course I know they can’t teach you everything and that some things are just instinct and that I could be thrown a curveball that none of the prep has prepared me for…but none of that matters. I feel better when I am educated and prepared to the best of my ability.

Part of this preparedness is figuring out our registry. I have started it on Amazon (cheaper prices and more variety than Babies R Us OR Target.) Of course BJ was disappointed about not getting to use the registry gun. I am being very cautious about what goes on the registry and doing a lot of research about what you REALLY need or don’t and what you need two of verses one. It’s been 3 weeks and I still only have like 7 things on it. Like I said, VERY slow process. I am also using this as a list for when I go to consignment shops and yard sales to help take things off my list whenever possible.

BJ and I still have a lot of decisions to make and things to work on before we get too close to either bed rest or birth. I know I am only 10 weeks, but I start my traveling season at work next Wednesday. This means I am only in the office for 23 days between now and January 9^th (which is my 24 week mark), the majority of which I am staying in hotels and not going to be home. Folks, this is NOT a lot of time for a Type A: OCD planner like me.

So as you can see, we are experiencing a gamut of emotions, joys and fears. We continue to feel incredibly blessed yet  have to remind ourselves daily to rely on our faith to help us (me especially) through our anxiety. God continues to bring people into our lives to help us on this journey and fill our hearts with joy. I have had amazing friends from my past resurface as part of my amazing support system and have been strengthening relationships with those who have been by my side this whole time.

Tonight however, I am putting all my anxiety and fears aside and having a sleepover with the nephews. On our agenda are Sugar Shakes, painting pumpkins and watching Pete’s Dragon! I can’t wait.

Moving right along!

Just a quick update on the pregnancy progress.

This past Friday we had our final check-up at the IVF clinic.

We started off seeing our little darlings, now the size of pomegranate seeds. Baby A, which we learned will always be the one closest to my cervix, was very easy to see. She was kinda squishing Baby B so I am “convinced” Baby A is the big sister already laying down the law by bossing her little brother around. Clearly, I am also “convinced” it’s a boy and a girl, though we don’t know that.

While the tech was measuring the babies (both at 7 weeks and 1 day), we saw this little flicker. I knew instantly it was our babies’ hearts. It was amazing to see their little beating hearts. But then we got to hear them and I was in tears. BJ was sneaky and videotaped the heartbeats since they have a no videotaping policy. Baby B’s heart beat was hard to hear because it was under Baby A, but we did hear them both: one at 150 bpm and one at 152.

It is the most amazing sound. I listen to it several times a day and it just makes me smile. It’s weird to think I have a total of three heartbeats inside of me right now.

Next we met with Dr. M who was so happy for us. He said everything looks great, we talked about what happens next and that he’d see us when we come back for the frozen embryo we have left. He said that the “yolk-something” looked really good for both twins and that’s a good sign. If it’s too small or too big it could mean trouble. He also reiterated that he’s glad we did the 3 day transfer because after day 4 my egg quality deteriorates and that’s how I ended up with only one frozen embryo (of 7). He gave us a hug and was all smiles as he said his goodbyes.

Lastly, we met with Sherri who was so excited we were having twins she said wanted to do a dance. She let us know that the whole team was rooting for us and was just thrilled that we were a successful IVF. They want to hear about the progress as my pregnancy progresses and want us to send pictures. She gave me my med weaning schedule (can’t wait until I am done with the shots!) and we checked out.

Even the girls at the front desk are amazing! They were so excited for us and want to stay in touch! It was bitter sweet being transferred out. This team has been the life line to make my dream come true for the last 5 years!

And just like that, we were no longer IVF patients. Now we head back to my normal OBGYN for pre-natal care. They will determine if I am transferred to the high risk facility or not. But that’s it. This part of my fertility journey is over and we move on to being parents of multiples!

I have had some nausea, fatigue, headaches, bloating and a little moodiness but other than that I feel great. I am actually calmer if I feel these things because when I feel good I worry something is wrong. So bring on the nausea!

I haven’t done any shopping yet (except for my holiday bibs from a consignment sale) though I really REALLY want to. I don’t know what my hesitation is but I just want to wait.

We did get some cute gifts from my awesome family.

From Mom:

From Amy and the Boys:

From Brian and Carrie:

From Aunt Moe:

(I think our family may be a little excited!)

BJ and I did however go into Babies R Us to look around. It was my first time EVER in a Babies R US. It’s always been too painful to go in and I have always ordered baby gifts online to avoid going in.

Let me tell you…O-VER-WHELM-ING!

On our way out, we asked a guy if they carried anything for twins. He said “You just buy two of everything.” Uh….no! But thank you, you just solidified that we will be registering on Amazon! BJ was very disappointed that this meant he did not get to play with the laser gun (Sorry, Honey. The babies didn’t need those ninja outfits anyway.)

The next step is our first “regular” pre-natal visit on October 2^nd!

I still can’t believe this is happening.

Changing the Name of Our Blog

The verdict is out…

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!

WITH TWINS!!!

We are in awe and shock and disbelief and relief and forever and ever grateful to our heavenly father who took the miracle (he created) of modern medicine and finished the job!!

August 20^th I noticed that I was super tired in the afternoon. I brushed it off to a bad night’s sleep. By the 21^st, I noticed some slight nausea and thought it was bad Chinese!  On August 22 we had our first test.

Yes, I know this means you are now finding out that we told a little white lie about when we would know. We just wanted to be for-sure sure before we posted it. I hope you will forgive us.

I went to the doctors that morning (the 22nd) and I was in tears before I even got there. I jokingly (through tears) said to Cindy, the phlebotomist…”It’s so mean that you make us wait until the afternoon for the beta! It’s cruel!”  BJ was working a half day to be home by lunch because the call ALWAYS came after 1PM.

I went home afterwards, tired from the early morning, took off my pants and fell asleep on the couch. The phone rang at 10:30 and I saw the doctor’s number flashing on my screen.  My heart sunk…why would they be calling so early?

“Hello?” I asked quietly and with a lump in my throat.

“Jeeeennnnn?” It was Deb, my IVF coordinator. I sort-of grunted to let her know it was me, that lump in my throat feeling as big as the Empire State Building. She continued with “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It’s a positive beta! Its 185…you’re pregnant honey, you’re pregnant!!!!!!!!”

I just started sobbing and pacing back and forth in my underwear. I couldn’t make any clear words, it was just noise. She told me through HER tears to go get more blood work on Monday and make sure the beta number doubled. I hung up with Deb after she told me she never “yahooed for anyone before in her life” and called BJ. Through my sobs I tried to get out “I’m pregnant.” But there was no understanding me. He kept saying “Wait, are you or aren’t you?” “Honey, are we having a baby?” I finally got the message across and he said he will be right home!

We made our rounds to my mom, my sister and called my brother. They are were in shock and so excited for us! All the boys wanted to know was how many crying babies there was going to be? We celebrated that night with ice cream cake and the family. (The cake says “Congratulations Jenn and BJ.” It started off saying “Happy Anniversary” but babies trump all!)

On Saturday, we went to New Jersey to tell BJ’s family and some close friends. That was a fun trip! We packed a LOT of visits into a few hours! It was fun to tell everyone our big news.

We also stopped in Egg Harbor City at Simply Sweet Cupcakes for some “Cupcake Wars” winning desserts. We told them it was our anniversary and our BIG news and we got a free cupcake! And yes, these were as amazing as they looked! Mine is the one with the pink sparkly cherry and it was a Hot Fudge Sundae Cupcake. Next to that’s was my MIL’s Double Decadent Chocolate Cupcake and directly below was BJ’ S Cannoli Cupcake. The cupcake below mine was our free Turtle Cupcake. So incredibly good!              

 

Monday rolled around and I found out my blood work MORE than doubled and I was teased that “it must be twins!” But I didn’t believe them!

Ironically, on the day of the transfer, my 3 year old nephew hugged me and said he “smelled babies.” My sister asked how many and he said “two girls!” Since then, no less than 6 people have dreamt I had twins. This whole time my mom has been referring to them as the “babies” and when we pray at night it is always “keep our babIES safe” “keep our babIES healthy” etc.

Over Labor Day weekend, I grew more tired and more nauseous. I had cramping and all of a sudden, I’m breaking out all over the place! And then my brother’s dog, who NEVER paid attention to me unless I had a treat was all of a sudden my best buddy. He followed me around all weekend and kept snuggling up to me with his head on my belly.

 

Fast forward to today, Tuesday September 2. I had my ultrasound this morning and we found out indeed, there are two babies! Two Sacs, two little black blobs, two miracles!

Baby A has my curves already!

One measures at 5 weeks and 3 days and the other measures at 5 weeks and 2 days. I am due May 1^st, 2015!

We are still in shock, still in awe and still praising God for his mercy and love.

I cannot believe we will need double of everything! I am already needing double the prenatal vitamins! I think that’s when it hit me, when Deb said I need double meds to keep both babies healthy!

Praise god! Praise you GOD!

We get to hear the heartbeats next Friday and I cannot wait!

And now….I shop!

And yes, I am going to be one of THOSE pregnant woman who will share it all…but I’ll keep as much of it as I can to the blog so you can to choose to read it (or not). Though, I can’t promise SOME of it won’t leak onto my Facebook page.

I know that many people wait until they are through their first trimester to be in the “clear” before they publically announce their pregnancy. We feel that our whole journey has been lifted up in prayer and good thoughts by all of you. We feel that God’s plan will continue to be fulfilled whether we share our joyful news or not. We agree that we would rather continue to surround our babies in prayer for growth and health from the many then to wait and worry in silence alone. There is power in the one to whom we pray!

(And we all know I am an open book…I NEVER would have been able to keep quiet for 7 more weeks! LOL)

Besides…after all this…we wouldn’t keep it from you! Our amazing support team!

We are pregnant! We are pregnant, we are joyful and we are blessed!

Now it’s time to officially change the name of this blog from “Our Journey TO Parenthood” to “Our Journey OF Parenthood!” What a difference two letters can have!

 PRAISE GOD!

Reminders to myself…

Written Thursday August 21, 2014 (with a few updates)

It has been a week of ups and downs for sure!

Last Friday my blood work showed that my numbers took a dive. My progesterone went from 48 to 12! And my estrogen went from 1060 to 589. The estrogen isn’t too bad but the progesterone! Oy Vey! It has to stay above 10 to support a pregnancy and 12 is awefully close!  I was nervous. I spent all weekend on pins and needles. My friend Jenn and my family told me to stay positive and not worry so much. In retrospect, I wish I listened, but in the moment, there was just no reprieve from my anxiety. I thought for sure that was a bad sign. When I asked the doctor if it was a bad sign she said “Not necessarily.” Oh that’s reassuring!

By Wednesday the estrogen dropped even more (still was in an ok range) but the progesterone went up to 18! I was thrilled! Now we were moving in the right direction.

So tomorrow I go for my next round of blood work and very soon we will know if the IVF worked. I am trying desperately not to be anxious but it’s easier said than done.

My mom and sister and my few close girlfriend have watched this whole journey unfold with ALL the gritty details and they find it hard to understand even if they practically lived it with me. I don’t know how to explain this level of anxiety after so many months of disappointment. Many women get to decide when they want to be pregnant. It may take a few tries, then they miss their period take a test and the beat goes on. Many women get to say, I want to go to the beach next summer and can start planning and not have to wonder if they will be too pregnant…or too depressed…to go. Many women don’t have to test every other day, give themselves shots or have to fear that every little pang is another loss. The anxiety can be crippling if I don’t keep it in check. And I assure you, what you see, is the TIP of the iceburg of my anxiety. Not to mention the tiny part that I am on the cusp of my life completely changing. We will either be parents or this “thing” (i.e. infertility) which has consumed our lives will be completely over. I don’t know what life will be like without infertility being the main focus.

I prepared for two years with a specialist before BJ and I got married knowing it was going to be tough to conceive. I have grieved every month for years as my body betrayed me every single time!!! Even the one time I did conceive, I only found out because I was miscarrying. I didn’t get a second of joy or one moment of happiness dreaming about the baby that was in me. Unless you have been in these shoes, it’s impossible to understand.

I don’t know how I am going to react either way,  pregnant or not. I don’t know if I will be over the moon excited, cautiously optimistic or never leave my house again. I just don’t know. So I have come up with a list of reminders to myself for each scenario since either way my emotions are going to be out of control.

If I am NOT pregnant remember:

1. You are not a failure. You have a disease; your body doesn’t work like everyone else’s. Give yourself a break.
2. You have fought a good fight; you have given everything you had, body mind and soul, towards making your dream come true. Most people give up on a dream within a year of being knocked down at every corner.
3. People are going to say rotten things. Some from good intensions and some maliciously. Let it roll off your back.
4. God has a bigger better plan than you can imagine for yourself.
5. You did everything you could.
6. You are surrounded by people who love and support you. They may not understand but they want to be there for you. Don’t retreat to your cave!
7. You are not disappointing the people who love and care about you. They love YOU, not your (in)ability to procreate.
8. BJ will still love you. He went into this knowing that there was a chance you couldn’t have kids and he married you anyway.
9. You are an incredible Aunt and Godmother and have other children in your life that make you happy.
10. This too shall pass. You will survive this too.

 

If I AM pregnant remember:

1. To thank God for your blessings every day.
2. Be mindful and sensitive of the women who are still struggling with infertility. Their journey is still very real, very sensitive and very painful.
3. That everyone is going to have advice…it comes with the territory of being pregnant. Have faith that it comes from a place of well-meaning and perhaps it worked for them.
4. You have waited for this opportunity for a VERY long time. Enjoy every second of it.
5. You have worked with children for 15 years and spend the last five teaching others to be parents. But remember, the book knowledge will only take you so far. It’s like going to grad school right after undergrad and getting a masters but not having any real world experience despite a few internships. Be open to people trying to help and be kind to people who think you have NO idea (even if it’s judgmental and cruel.)
6. Try to eat healthy and walk every day. You didn’t start out super fit, it’s not going to happen during pregnancy but you need to do the best you can do. Don’t compare yourself to other people and give yourself a break.
7. Focus on happy and stress free. Anything that adds stress goes into “the box.” You have worked years to become a mother, do the best job you can.
8. Do what’s right for you and the baby. Others can give you their opinion but ultimately you have to do what’s right for you.
9. Everyone is different. Every pregnancy is different. I have a friend who is pregnant and she is healthy and runs and will have the cutest baby bump. I am so jealous of her because I am overweight and struggle to stay fit and have my disease working against me. I started off well getting in shape and losing weight and then was told to take it easy for over a month and it all went back to the starting point.  I won’t have a cute little baby bump, I will just get bigger.  But my journey is different. I just gotta be me. (And I am thankful for my friend because she inspires me by example to make better, healthier choices).
10. Talk to BJ, enjoy these last few months just the two of you. Remember, his world is changing too. Have patience with each other and give each other some slack.
11. You are not in the clear yet…make good choices, keep praying and surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally and help keep your life stress free.

 

Soon enough I will know which list I will be printing and reading daily.  I hope its list two!

Update: Friday numbers: We are on the up!!!! My estrogen is at 824 and my progesterone is at 37.4! I feel so much better! The big test is soon!

Transfer Week!

Waiting is awful. And if patience is a virtue…why isn’t speediness? I’d be much better at that.

Nature’s cruelest joke is that pregnancy symptoms, PMS symptoms and side effects from hormone injections all look the same! Needless to say it’s been a long week with the nausea, fatigue, soreness and lightheadedness.

Monday morning was our Transfer!!!!!

We had a very busy day. We drove 4 hours total (out of 8 hours) between the transfer and acupuncture. I also spent the majority of the day horizontal, which I thought would be much more relaxing than it actually was.

We got down to the hospital around 10 and I started pounding water. My goal was to drink 30 oz and hold it for 2 hours! I get why they need you to have a full bladder to do this procedure but that doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable. Even with being uncomfortable, we were giddy with excitement and tried to do some selfies but, well…you can see for yourself…
           

As we were waiting the embryologist, Jewel , came out and told us the zygote stats. At one day after fertilization we had 14 eggs at the 2PN stage. (Not our eggs, just pictures of what each stage looks like in general)

By Day 2 we had 10 at the 2-4 cells Embryo stage.
 
Here we were Day 3 and we had 8 embryos that survived. She picked the top three to implant. Two of the eggs were actually at Day 4 maturation called a Morula which in laymen terms means you can’t see the cell walls anymore. Jewel reported this was a very good thing.
 The third egg was at the typical 3rd day maturation of the 8 cells embryo stage and needed an “assisted hatch.” This is basically where the embryologist makes a scratch in the egg to aid in implantation.
 
We nodded like we TOTALLY understood what she was saying and the next thing you know, I was told the Dr. arrived and it was time to go. We went into the other exam room, I got undressed and we waited. We were not allowed to take pictures and BJ had to be in scrubs. This was amusing as we tried to tie on his face mask (which he only realized was backwards after the doc and nurse came in.) I made sure I could wear socks (it’s so cold in there) and proceeded to put on my Kokopelli socks from my Aunt Moe. Kokopelli is believed to be a Native American fertility symbol and she sent me these and some other Kokopelli stuff as soon as she knew we were doing IVF.
 
 I don’t remember too much what was said, but it kind of reminded me of a science fiction movie. All I could see was the top of the docs head. He knocked on the Wizard of Oz window to the embryologist’s lab, and his hands went up in the air as if to cheer. They said my name out loud, he spun on the chair and Jewel handed him the catheter. After a little hiccup with the catheter, we were all of a sudden on the verge of pregnancy. The doc counted to three and we saw just a little movement on the screen. Nothing that we thought was of significance but apparently that was thee moment. The screen looked like this and didn’t change much during the process:
 
Apparently, there was a whole dialog that happened that I cannot recall. Shortly after that, the doc was up. He confirmed with Jewel that there was a positive transfer, put me in the position I had to remain in for 30 minutes, took his scrubs off, we exchanged pleasantries and off he went. The radiologist cleaned up the area, said she would be ‘back in 20’ and walked out. The Embryologist came back in and said that she told us the wrong number of embryos survived and that all 10 embryos had divided (instead of the 8 she told us this morning) so we had 7 left to watch and hope that they divided  with good enough quality to freeze.

I was laying on the exam table, back down, knees up, BJ helping to hold my legs up and we were left to stare at each other. And just like that… we were pregnant. I didn’t feel different but I knew, I had three fertilized embryos in me…I am pregnant. I wanted to giggle with glee but I wasn’t allowed to laugh. (Uh, do you know my husband?)

I slept on and off for the remainder of the day. Who knew getting pregnant could make you so tired? (kidding). My sister came over with my nephews and brought balloons, Mickey and Minnie baby socks (so cute) and this bottle filled with my FAVORITE…tootsies!
 
 I also got this amazing cake from the 6 year old on Tuesday. That’s a Blue “D” for Dad and a pink “M” for Mom. It is beautiful and I love it…but God bless his heart it was hard to eat (Cotton Candy icing, Strawberry top layer, blue raspberry lower layer, cream cheese frosting in the middle). I love sweet but this made my lips pucker!!!!
 
The nephews (9, 6 and 3 years old) kinda of get that Aunt Jenn is trying to have a baby and needed “help” because her belly doesn’t work right, without them knowing all the gory details. But the 3 year old had the most surprising reaction. He ran up to give me a hug and when he did his head was at my stomach level. He took a deep breath and said “I smell babies.” Well that was weird! So my sister asked if he smells and girl or a boy and he says “I smell TWO girls!” Really WEIRD! But how awesome would that be!
 
I continued to rest until Wednesday and have been on light duty since then. I am having mild symptoms but like I said earlier, take your pick what they are from. I am staying away from google, I refuse to buy a Home Pregnancy Test and I am staying happy, hopeful and faithful.
 

We found out yesterday that only one egg made it to be frozen. I was heartbroken. I didn’t understand how only 1 of 7 would have survived and I started to doubt the little ones in me. I went for blood work this morning and asked through tears of fear and they assured me that Jewel is a stickler and will ONLY freeze the eggs that look good. They reminded me that I already got the best three and that IT ONLY TAKES ONE!!!!

They continue to monitor my progesterone and estradiol every other day and adjust the shots and patches as necessary. I just have to wait and see what happens. It’s a lot of hurry up and wait. And even then, things can be inconclusive!

More so in the last 24 hours than the last 8 weeks I am having anxiety and feeling impatient. More so in the last 24 hours I have worried and had to pray myself out of doubt. More so in that last 24 hours have I had to hold on to hope when I am not sure I believed there was any. I doubt this is the last of these moments in the next two weeks. But I am learning everyday how I need to have Faith.
 

 

I love these little beings inside of me. I don’t care if anyone believes they are a person yet or not. I do. They are my babies and I love them. And I want them with me.

Please pray that God’s will is done and that the desire of my heart to become a parent to these miracles in my belly is part of His plan.

 

Transfer Tomorrow!

Today is Sunday and it has been a weekend on pins and needles waiting for each piece of this enormous life altering puzzle to fall into place. Before I tell you where we are heading, let me tell you where we’ve been.

Friday morning hit us so fast! I mean, we have been waiting and waiting and doing all this prep work for so long and then ***BOOM*** it was just here. Before we knew it, we were up and out the door before the sun was even shining.

We prayed, listened to praise music and made small talk on the way to Reading. We held hands on and off and BJ tried to keep me awake, while I tried desperately to fall back asleep. We were about half way there when I looked down and noticed that I was so excited to leave the house that morning, I left my slippers on and my socks and shoes at home. Leave it to me, but there was no way I was turning back now.

We arrived before anyone on the IVF team did, but once they got there…it was all teams go! It was a very fast and a well-oiled machine. The awesome Nurse Sherri got me ready, told us what to expect and let us know who was going to be present. She was so kind and had so much compassion for me. Poor BJ didn’t know what to do because there were machines and wires everywhere. He was trying o hard to be there for me but also trying to stay out of the way!

Next in the room was the anesthesiologist. I don’t remember his name but he was this jovial Russian man. He was all excited when I told him Kiskis was a Lithuanian last name! He had us laughing and kept the atmosphere light which was a welcomed feeling on such an important morning. You would think by now I would be used to needles but boy oh boy did that anesthesia needle hurt!

I was starting to feel the effects of “breakfast” as my Russian doc called it when suddenly the room got very crowded. I remember thinking “who are all these people?” And then one masked person leaned over to me, held my hand and said “Hi Jenn, I’m here.” It was Dr. Minassian. There’s something special about that man. Some people are just blessed to be doing what they were created to do and Dr. M is one of them. He was created to help make women a “Mommy.” His gentle eyes, much like my fathers, were the last thing I saw among to sea of blue scrubs rushing around me before I was sleeping peacefully.

I woke up and everybody from the IVF team was gone (there was another couple next door also getting a retrieval). BJ was next to me on one side and Nurse Sherri was on the other saying “Wake-up honey, you did good, so good.” It took me a few minutes (like 30) to be able to sit up and then stand. She told us she didn’t know the final count but she’s sure they got a lot of follicles. Sherri said that the doctors just kept saying, “We got another one.” Sherri said she stopped counting after 10! 10!!!! Holy moly, that’s more than I had hoped for and that’s when she STOPPED counting!

As a side note, apparently the first things I said after I woke up were “I need a sandwich. I prayed for the lady next door. I have the Power of God with me.” Interesting!

We were ready to go about fifteen minutes later and decided to wait for the final count out in the hallway. Then Sherri came around the corner to tell us… 14! We have 14 follicles!!!!! Oh, we were over the moon happy, that is a great number!

I was sore and crampy but I was so elated I practically skipped out of the office and down the looooooong hall to the car. (Ok, so it was even close to skipping, but in my head I was skipping and dancing and doing flips down the hallway) And it’s a long hallway!

I rested most of Friday and just waited for the call to come Saturday morning. When it finally did come, I was unpacking a bit around the house and BJ was out fishing.

Jewel, the embryologist, called around 11 to report that of the 10 of the 14 follicles were fertilized!!!!! Wow! 10! I am overwhelmed with gratitude! 10! Now we wait to see if they divide. That was our next hurdle but we wouldn’t know until Sunday.

All day we dreamed about our 10 babies in Reading and joked about the newest reality show “BJ and Jenn Plus Ten.”

It was definitely surreal to think that we were the potential parents of ten babies! I mean not really, we are only transferring three, but physically we have ten fertilized eggs out there in the world. It really did bring up a lot of questions. I got so deep into thought about these questions that I had to will myself to just turn it off and focus on the moment. Like I need another reason to freak out and get all anxious.

So here we are today, Sunday, and we were just waiting to find out how many divided. We went to church and I became increasingly emotional. Something about praise music just does that to me but even more so when I am in a heightened emotional state to begin with.

I left my cell phone at home so I couldn’t wait to get home and check my messages. We got the call, but no number. This is, word-for-word, what the message said…

“I am happy to report that your eggs have divided and tomorrow we are going to be having a transfer at 11 o’clock.”

Ummm…ok…how many? What are we working with here? Is that good? She hesitated….why did she hesitate? Ugh the torture! And they are closed so I can’t even call back! Man! I just need to have faith that this is what God wanted us to know today, nothing more, nothing less! But I really was holding onto what that “number” was. The bottom line is, it only takes one!

Tomorrow we have a busy day.

7:15-7:45 travel to acupuncture
7:45-8:30 acupuncture
8:30-10 travel
10-11 transfer prep
11-11:30 TRANSFER
11:30-1:30 wait time
2-3:30 travel
3:30-4:30 acupuncture
4:30-5 travel home

We ask for the following prayers: Safe travels, successful transfer, and (as we stay in the infertility world) “sticky dust” or that the eggs will stay put and implant.

I was reminded today at church by Pastor Bob that there is not “Power in Prayer” but rather “Power in the one whom we pray to.” It really touched my heart to hear that this morning as one of my “peaceful” images is God loves arms wrapped around me in a huge loving embrace. It is through HIM that all things are possible and he only wants the best for us!

IVF update–it’s getting real now!

Less then 24 hours to retrieval—yeeeeeeehaw!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s a snippet of what happened since last time I posted. These are the texts sent to my prayer warriors- minus the pictures. (If you are a prayer warrior, skip this part)

8/2 AM
Ten plus eggies in each ovary! 13 measurable!!!!(Only 8 yesterday). 8 are in the left side!!! This explains the pain on that side! Waiting on blood work results!

8/4 AM
It was a long weekend! I ended up having to go down to Reading Saturday and Sunday for ultra sounds and blood work. Went this morning as well and it looks like we are working with 13 follicles. They range in size from 13 -22 mm. The majority were around 16-17 mm. They like them 18-22 mm to fertilize. We are getting close! Just need to wait for the call about my blood work this morning. We need the estradiol to be over 1000!

8/4 PM
So they called. My estradiol only went up about 60. They were hoping it would be around 1000 and it only went up to 716 (from 659). So they are thinking the trigger shot on Wednesday now (instead of tonight), retrieval on Friday and transfer Monday. Pray that the hormones catch up to the follicles but not explode. Also dealing with extreme fatigue and light nausea in addition to being uncomfortable due to the growing size of the ten plus follicles in each ovary built for one! Thanks. I’ll be in touch!

The left is a picture of an ovary during a normal cycle with one follicle. The picture on the right is an ovary with 10 follicles in it, which is perhaps why I am feeling so much pressure. These are not acutualy pictures of me, just photos from google images.

8/5 AM
There was a new ultrasound tech today. She only saw 11 usable follicles and only two grew. I have two 18 mm and at least one 16 mm follicle which is the bottom line follicle determining factor. However, my estradiol was only at 716 yesterday. If it doesn’t double today, they will try one more day. If it doesn’t get to 1200-1500 by then or if there is a decrease they are calling it off. They don’t want to put me through retrieval if it’s not going to produce the best outcome. Please pray that 1. I get the best possible outcome no matter what that means. 2. That it means my estradiol shot up over night! 3. Us to remain positive. I am starting to get frustrated, scared and sad. This is much harder than I thought and I am so tired. The IVF coordinator said by this time on the meds most patients are so exhausted they are taking off work to rest. I am trying to cowboy up. I will update you on the results later. Thank you and have a blessed day.

8/5 PM
Update: my estradiol went up to 897. While that is an increase it’s still not where they need me to be. My IVF team met and they have concluded that my best chance is to give it one more day. We are to increase the meds and I report 7:30 tomorrow morning for another checkup. They like it to be around 1200 to 1500 and as close to 1500 as possible. However, it MUST be at 1000. Please pray with us that tonight is the night it shoots up. Heading home to rest and watch feel good movies. Thank you for the prayers today, this week and throughout this whole journey. I’m thinking this roller coaster is far from over but I know I am in the middle of watching Gods plan unfold around us and for us. And that’s pretty exciting.

8/6

IT’S GO TIME!!!!!
I went this morning for my ultrasound and my follicles have grown considerably, they were all good size! We have been waiting to hear about my blood work and hoping it crept up to at least 1000. Well, they just called and it’s at 1013!!! Praise God!!! So tonight I stop the two stomach shots and do the great big Trigger shot.
 
This one is not fun and is intramuscular in the glute. (Thank you to my mom’s friend who will be giving it to me at 7:30 tonight and showing BJ how to do the future shots from now on.) I have some prep work to do tomorrow which will be the only day in 16 weeks I won’t need a shot.
I report at 6:00 am Friday morning. The anesthesiologist will meet us there and if all goes on time the procedure will be at 6:30. I will know later Friday afternoon how many eggs they retrieved. I will be on bed rest for 24 hours after the retrieval and the transfer is on Monday.
Specific prayer requests for 1. Our nerves. 2. A safe procedure. 3. We get lotsa good eggies to choose from. I’ll be in touch Friday when we are all done! We are so excited! Over the moon excited!

 

So this is where we are at as of today, Thursday. 20 hours away from retrieval and I am feeling pretty good about things. My standard answer when people ask how I am feeling is that the side effects are not as bad as I thought they were going to be, but it still hasn’t been a cake walk. My mood swings aren’t nearly as bad as I anticipated, even if BJ says otherwise.
 
 Call me vain but one of the saddest side effects for me is my hair thinning. Although they say it will grow back after the hormones are done.
 
This is one days’ worth from my hair brush and I lose just as much each day.

Our faith is growing more and more every day as we find it increasingly easier to rely on Him with each piece of this. I know that we are surrounded by prayer warriors who are praying non-stop for God’s will, positive outcomes and His Peace to surround us every day. I truly believe that is why we have experienced such minimal effects. I will touch base on Friday with the results but here is the time line if you are willing and able to pray us through this.

Thursday: I am uncomfortable as the follicles are “dropping.” I have some soreness from the shot last night, but it’s mostly just pressure. Sitting at work is a bit uncomfortable. I am glad I took a half day so I can lay down this afternoon.

Friday:
3:30 AM get up
4:30 Leave for Reading
6:00 Begin surgery prep/anesthesia
6:30 Egg retrieval begins and takes 15-30 minutes
Lay for an hour, BJ drives me home, and we wait for the call to see how many eggs were successfully retrieved and fertilized.

I am overcome with emotions just thinking about it. Mostly I am just excited. I know we are surrounded in His love and the support of all the people he has placed in our lives! Maybe more surrounded than I have ever felt before. My sista from another mista has a Wellness Blog and she made me her Woman Crush Wednesday. I am honored and humbled, but more than that, it reenforced in my heart and soul of how surrounded in love, prayer and positive thoughts we truly are. Thank you all so much.

See the article here: http://www.thewellnessjourneyblog.com/2014/08/06/woman-crush-wednesday-meet-jenn/

Our prayer every night is “God, let us accept your will and continue to use us to shine your light, but Lord hear the cries of our heart and the desires of our souls and let us have a chance at being parents.”

Nothing left to do but have Faith.
 

It’s been quite an eventful week

I started my new shots Saturday and have been feeling progressively better… for the most part.

As the days go on and the follicles grow, I feel more and more uncomfortable. Ovaries were not meant to hold this many eggs! Ouch!

On Wednesday I had my first Ultrasound (US) and blood work panel (BW).  I went to get the blood work first. After two sticks and still no blood, I told her I would be back. I went around the corner to get my US. The US tech reported that I had several follicles growing in each ovary! YAY! Come on little eggies!

I texted everyone in the prayer circle and said “We got little eggies! Woo Hoo!”

One more phlebotomist and another stick later, they got the blood, whew! I think the Band-Aid caused the worst damage.

After the BW,  I sat down with Deb, my IVF coordinator.  She said, based on the severity of my symptoms and the size of the follicles that I probably haven’t had my hormone surge yet. This puts me at risk for OHSS Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome.

Learn more about OHSS here: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/ovarian-hyperstimulation-syndrome-ohss/basics/definition/con-20033777

The trick to IVF is to basically get as close to OHSS as possible without getting OHSS. What a nerve-wracking gamble!

Deb said not to panic, she will let me know when to panic and she wants to see me in daily instead of every other day.  She also said she will call me and let me know for sure when my BW came in.

I immediately notified our prayer circle of the details.

She called back at 1:30 and said that I was fine. “Only you would present with OHSS and be perfectly normal.” Little does she know it has nothing to do with me and EVRYTHING to do with the power of prayer! My estradiol went from 5 to 125 in five days!  “Perfectly normal” and she will see me Friday, no need for daily check-ups.

This morning I went for my next visit. No wonder I am uncomfortable! I have 9-10 follicles in each ovary (you know, the ovaries built for ONE!). Three are measurable in the right and five on the left! Alright, that’s 8 possibly workable eggs so far! Keep ‘em coming!

The blood draw happened on the first try, though they took it from the back of my hand which doesn’t feel awesome, that’s for sure.

Deb told us that she would have liked to have seen the follicles a little bigger and we may need another day to grow our little eggies. She wants to see the BW this afternoon to determine if we may or may not need to come in over the weekend.

UPDATE: They called back and my Estradiol doubled overnight. That along with the fact that some of the follicles were really large; they didn’t want me to wait until Monday to monitor me again. Sometimes with PCOS, there can be an overnight hormone surge and that’s what contributes to the OHSS. So I need to report again tomorrow morning at 8:15 for more BW and another US. I’d be more upset if I didn’t have to be up anyway for my morning shot.

My body is tired of the shots and showing it…

I am getting more and more uncomfortable but it’s not painful. I am tired but excited. I am hopeful and I am faithful in God’s plan for us.

Please continue to lift us up in prayer. Particularly August 4-15!

I will keep posting as it unfolds! This is the big week!

ONE WEEK UNTIL TRANSFER!!!!